{"id":27754,"date":"2023-04-10T16:58:18","date_gmt":"2023-04-10T23:58:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/adhdonline.com\/?p=22618"},"modified":"2024-06-05T20:58:27","modified_gmt":"2024-06-06T00:58:27","slug":"keep-this-not-that-5-adhd-spring-cleaning-tips-from-a-neurotypical-spouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/adhdonline.com\/articles\/keep-this-not-that-5-adhd-spring-cleaning-tips-from-a-neurotypical-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"Keep This, Not That! 5 ADHD Spring Cleaning Tips from a Neurotypical Spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"image\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

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By Michelle Seitzer<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

While the rest of the world is spring cleaning, it\u2019s just another round of \u201creclaim the bathroom for the rest of us\u201d or \u201cfind the floor again\u201d at my house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a person who loves order, I knew being married to someone with ADHD meant I\u2019d have to get comfortable with messes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I didn\u2019t know is how many messes there would be. I pictured an overflowing hamper in a bedroom corner, and maybe a bathroom counter cluttered with toiletries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, there are multiple areas of mess throughout the house, and the objects are mixed up. It\u2019s not only a pile of clothes, it\u2019s a pile of dirty and<\/em> clean clothes \u2014 plus some paperwork, trash, and maybe a set of keys.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While we\u2019ve had plenty of fights about lost keys and wallets over the years, we\u2019ve found what works for cleaning and decluttering our home together. And we\u2019re going on 19 years of marriage, so \u2014 believe it or not \u2014 ADHD and organization can live under the same roof.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s how we make it work: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tip 1: Activate those hyperfocus skills.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Many people with ADHD tend to fixate on a preferred activity, object, topic or food, and this fixation can last for hours, weeks or even months. While you may get tired of hearing about their latest interest, hyperfocus is a superpower when it comes to cleaning and decluttering. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When my husband is fixated on spending time in his workshop, he can organize the place like a pro. It may take hours, but if he\u2019s given that windfall of time to stay at it \u2014 uninterrupted \u2014 he can get the job done.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tip 2: Support the process in helpful ways.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

About that \u201cuninterrupted\u201d thing: It\u2019s important to give your partner space and time to work on that huge pile of clothes, tools or paperwork on which you\u2019re requesting their focused attention. That means: Don\u2019t nag them, don\u2019t pressure them with constant reminders and check-ins, don\u2019t criticize how they\u2019re doing or how fast they\u2019re moving, and certainly don\u2019t control the process. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, offer help. But first, ask what type of help is best. My husband likes when I talk to him while he\u2019s working on matching a hundred pairs of socks. When he\u2019s organizing his workshop, he\u2019s usually on the phone with a friend. It may seem like a distraction, but it actually helps him focus (probably because the social connection distracts him from the non-preferred task of cleaning up).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tip 3: Choose a day and time that\u2019s ideal.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

A Saturday with nothing on the calendar may be a rarity. But when it pops up, it\u2019s a great opportunity for focusing on projects that require a few hours of uninterrupted time. If you set out to clear out the entire garage on a weekend when you\u2019ve got a Costco run and two birthday parties to attend, there will be issues. You\u2019re either a) going to procrastinate, b) start, but get massively frustrated when you have to stop \u2014 and then avoid cleaning out the garage for the next two years, c) argue with your spouse about who has more junk, or d) all of the above.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A word to the wise: Plan your big jobs for days when you have lots of time. And even then, don\u2019t be a hero, and don\u2019t blow the entire plan-free weekend on cleaning and decluttering. It feels good to look out at a clean garage. But spending every free minute of an open weekend on cleaning it does not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tip 4: Manage overwhelm with motivation.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I may not have ADHD, and organizing is a preferred activity for me. But I still have moments of total overwhelm when it comes to certain cleaning tasks. Often, that feeling leads to avoidance. These feelings are magnified for my spouse with ADHD, and it\u2019s why he often seeks my help in getting started on clearing a pile of stuff. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it\u2019s his desk that needs clearing, I\u2019ll go through first and sort the stuff into \u201ccategories.\u201d Then, he\u2019ll come and take the piles away one at a time, putting the objects where he prefers them to be: paperwork in a filing cabinet, books on a shelf, pens and pencils in a vintage coffee can, odds-and-end tools to his workshop. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another way we manage overwhelm is through motivation. \u201cAfter we do this for one hour, we\u2019ll go for a hike.\u201d Or: \u201cAfter I can see my desk again, I\u2019ll buy myself that new ergonomic mouse pad I want.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tip 5: Set a goal and visualize it.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

My husband uses a big dry erase board in the basement where he can see it \u2014 to block off his time and schedule tasks. He often starts by making a bullet list of goals: \u201cDuring spring break, I will \u2026 . \u201d Then he\u2019ll sit down with a calendar and designate a task or two a day based on what else is on tap for the week. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Breaking things down into smaller, more manageable chunks helps everyone feel at ease about cleaning and decluttering. This makes the giant looming thing called \u201cspring cleaning\u201d seem doable. And you\u2019re more likely to experience success \u2014 both individually and as a team. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read more about ADHD and marriage in <\/em>What I’ve Learned as the Spouse of Someone with ADHD<\/em><\/a>. And read more about home organization in “<\/em>Cleaning and Organizing with ADHD: A Tool to Help You Stay On Task.<\/em><\/a>” <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Discover how to manage cleaning and decluttering with an ADHD partner. Learn tips for activating hyperfocus, offering support, and setting achievable goals.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":28692,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[78],"tags":[14,90],"content_type":[39],"class_list":["post-27754","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-articles","tag-organization","tag-tools-tips","content_type-article"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/adhdonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27754","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/adhdonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/adhdonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adhdonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adhdonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=27754"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/adhdonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27754\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adhdonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/28692"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/adhdonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=27754"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adhdonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=27754"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adhdonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=27754"},{"taxonomy":"content_type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adhdonline.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/content_type?post=27754"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}